the abstinence chronicles

i've reached the known precipice

2011-08-15T10:09:00.000-07:00

i've reached the point where this is now the longest stretch of abstinence i've endured since losing my virginity. i'm attempting to distract myself with exercise and creative projects but i'm worried this may be futile in the face of the gaping abyss that is the next 10 months. not to mention living in a climate of constant lust is doing nothing for my mental well being.

i've wanked more in the past week or so than i have in months! its getting to be a little excessive, i've taken up rubbing one out while driving or at work.

is this suddenly a book club?//_DEFAULT.

2011-07-25T12:19:00.000-07:00

i've got another friend wanting to join me on my abstinence adventure. while this is a pleasant change from everyone making fun of me, i'm still unsure of what to about this influx of people on celibacy island.

ehh, i do know this though, _DEFAULT. time!!! i'm going to tell you all about the first hook up i had post ginger; i met neighbor at a friend's party, he is inceidentally their neighbor. now i know that wasn't the best nickname i've ever assigned, but he's not the sharpest tool in the shed either. he's a former bullrider, and while tall dark and handsome a bit of a mouth breather and a little slow on the uptake. but i didn't mind all that because fresh off the break up train, i'm not looking for conversation and depth-- i'm looking to get dicked down but good.

neighbor and i hit it off at a beer pong match where we were partners; i clinched clutch cup as i tend to do and he grabbed me and kissed me hard. this is the first guy who has kissed me in forever who isn't ginger and he's the exact opposite-- so of course i give it right back! we made moves on each other the rest of the night, and come halloween our sexual tension has reached a peak. we start to rage as is due whore holiday, and come midnight we're next door fooling around. this is when my slutty schoolgirl outfit is a boon because my panties are yanked off my skirt pulled up my top unbuttoned and we went to town.

after sex with one person for an extended period of time, you forget the variety there is in the world. HIS COCK WAS ENORMOUS COMPARED TO GINGER! that was my first victory of the night, the subsequent victory came when he straight picked me up off the bed and fucked me against the wall like an animal. rawrrr. we had sex 5 times that night, including once in the shower. we straight up ripped down that shower curtain and fucked shit up. afterwards, he and i located our articles of clothing that have been tossed around the room, he kissed me hard in the doorway and we went our separate ways for the night. no nonsense like cuddling, making promises neither of us intended to keep, nor lies to keep em guessing.

now, one thing i will say is during i occasionally thought about how ginger would have done something different, but i liked the spontaneity that came with this hook up. plus, if you don't change things up they get stagnant, so i suppose this period of hook ups was just what i needed to shake the dust of ginger and preface this abstinence adventure. more _DEFAULT. another time kids, happy wanking. xxx

well in for a pinch, in for a pound?

2011-07-19T20:20:00.000-07:00

i was telling my cuzzo about my new sexless mission and she decided to "up the ante". that bitch. she decided to join me in my year of abstinence so that the spirit of competition will give extra will power. she may be right, but that is besides the point! now i'm responsible for the sexual well being of another person-- AND I'M NOT EVEN GETTING LUCKY FOR IT!

stress. so much stress. haha i've already decided i'm replacing sex with exercising and masturbation-- BUT WHAT THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH THE GUILT OF SOMEONE ELSE'S ABSTINENCE?!

ten days and going strong

2011-07-17T21:35:00.000-07:00

now i've been adamant with starting out strong on this new abstinence kick-- i even forwent birthday sex, thinking that i've already built up momentum and to cave would be to undo the little progress i've made. not many people have faith in my ability to stick with this but i've got to-- frankly, this is the beginning of me taking back control of my life and my shit. i'm not going to let men, society or my libido call the shots anymore-- things go down when and/or if i say so, not anyone else.

i have received an offer for sex, true to form; once its off the table, it's like guys sense it and want it even more. Fuckbaggerson, a former possible flame, is laying it on pretty thick, and while two summers ago i would have jumped at the chance to shed my pants for him this year i find myself giving him the run around. i'm worried that if i outright tell him i'm not sexing anyone for a year, he'll think me a challenge and turn up the efforts.

but so far so good, no real wishes to deviate and i've been really good about blocking any possible flare ups. ten days down, 355 days to go.

i'm running out of time

2011-07-09T12:38:00.000-07:00

and this mother fucker thinks he can just twiddle his thumbs?
NO. HELL NO.

let's rewind, on my birthday i make plans to meet up with casanova for a little rendezvous, and am thwarted at the last minute because he breaks his finger/hand before i get there!

so after being cosmically twat swatted, i've been digging in trying to get my back up plan to follow through. we'll call him...well "back up". haha he hasn't properly earned an alias yet so for lack of a better option, here we are. his background: friend of ginger, has decided that hooking up with me would be beneficial to him and myself, not good at making or keeping plans.

IF HE FUCKS THIS UP FOR ME I WILL CUT HIM.

to make up for my months of absence

2011-07-03T22:41:00.001-07:00

starting tomorrow i shall be jotting down all the sexual exploits i've been into since ginger and i imploded. in as close to chronological order as i can remember it:

-neighbor
-napoleon
-ohio
-silver fox
-tex

with special reappearances by:
-ginger
-casanova

i've been a very busy bad girl...shit, i had to make up for lost time while i was monogamous.

wait. that does not sound like an arguement in favor of my year off from sex. maybe we could say i was stock piling it for this drought to ensue?

another go round?

2011-07-03T22:24:00.001-07:00

i know i've said i will give sex up, then i won't, then i'm attempting it again only to be foiled by a good looking man in a pinstriped button up. but i'm going to really and truly do this of my own accord: give up sexual relations, not including masturbation, for an entire year-- barring only blue eyes-- beginning after my birthday. so an entire year, and my birthday pressie next year can be as much cock as i can handle.

now i know you're not having too much faith in me since i've got a ready made escape clause built in, but chances are i won't see blue eyes [quick background: first boyfriend/kiss/long distance relationship/relationshit i totally fucked up, great friend, person i owe my virginity to] until nearly the end of this any how, and frankly we've got so much background between us this should have happened years ago.

but as to why i think this will work this time, i feel like i'm in no shape for a relationshit so there won't be any external pressure to give the nookie, and i'm slowing down in my wanking several times a day so i think this is a good progression. also, i'm cutting waay back on partying, what with getting caught up at uni and all. listen, i know temptation will be abound, but nothing worth having isn't worth waiting for, yeah?

so i've got roughly 5 days to get it in and get it good so i've got something to tide me over for the next year. i swear if my last hook up before my celibacy kicks in is awful, i'm gonna start knocking heads.

resurfacing.

2011-02-13T09:52:00.000-08:00

So its been a while, sorry, but I've had a tumultuous couple months: ginger and I broke up in firey despair, I fell into a self destructive slump and I slept around. Haha now that I'm back expect some spice! I have started a flirtationship with a guy we'll affectionately call Ohio. He's hot, domineering, and has a bit of a kinky streak. YEEESSSS.

this will be our little secret...

2010-06-27T17:58:00.000-07:00

Well Ginger has veto'd the continuation of this blog because he is a closed minded jujubee, but I'm sure I can bring him around to the idea haha but this post will be just between us because we had crazy animalistic off the walls passionate sex. I've never wanted more and been so dead on my feet at the same time, and frankly I'm a little worn for the wear today because of it but well worth it! Haha well let's begin the recounting all the romantic shit you can go to VD for for haha.

We're watching a movie in his living room and he gets up to get a drink and I'm super into 28 Days Later. Cue commercial break and me being pounced upon; he's on top of me and slips a hand down my pants while he kisses and bites my neck. We make out while stripping each other and fool around some more; till I can't take anymore teasing and tell him I want him now. He chuckled and pinned me down and said "what if I'm not done teasing you?". He goes down on me until I came twice then he said "now we're done teasing" and flips me over on the couch and starts driving me into the couch, pulling my hair and slapping my ass. We come at the same time and collapse on the couch; perfect timing because his phone rings and its his friend totally blown asking if we're coming over to hang out and cook dinner for him, Ginger replies "no we're not coming, that was 5 minutes ago" but his friend didn't catch the joke.

We go over to his friend's place and drink and swim and smoke. Fast forward to he's stumbling drunk and I am thinking of bouncing before I'm too drunk to drive home so I start to prep my exit when drunk ginger grabs me and says "where the fuck do you think you're going? We haven't had sex." And I say "babe, I'm exhausted and frankly we're both too drunk for sex" and he looks at me and gets that I'll-show-you look in his eyes, swoops me up over his shoulder and runs us over to the guest house on the other end of the property. He throws me onto the bed there and says "we're too drunk when I say we're too drunk" and slides me towards the edge so he can grind against me while whispering and groaning dirty things in my ear. He rips my clothes off and starts kissing my neck and sucking on my tits while warming me up downstairs. Once I'm practically soaking his hand he slams to the hilt, and says in my ear "you're fucking mine you dirty whore" and I about came it was so hot. We have sex for the next 3 hours, I come 7 times in all and we discover a new facet of our kinky streak: at one point ginger grabs me by my throat while he pins me down. We both talked about it after and we thought it was h o t but were afraid the other didn't think so haha. So I'm covered in bruises because drunk ginger doesn't know his own strength, sore because I was thrown around and against things, and swollen because we haven't had sex like that in forever.

God, if this isn't fantastic sexual chemistry, I don't know what is.

consider this a hiatus

2010-06-22T07:57:00.001-07:00

seeing as how i'm sexually exclusive with Ginger, i figure i should at least run continuing this blog by him. if he's cool with it, then be excited for all the stories to come your way...otherwise, it's been a fun run guys.
xxx

this influx is staggering.

2010-05-24T11:09:00.001-07:00

Since Ginger and I have been an official item, we've had crazy amounts of sex. There's no way around it, frankly, and it's been g r e a t. We're very complimentary sexually, and we continue to surprise each other even after all the sex.

To get us all on the same page, I've had more sex with Ginger in the few months we've been together than in my years in Texas before him......yea. Now that you understand, you can appreciate how crazy about him I am.

Literally, he's the only guy I've met who can not only keep up with me sexually, but can push my limits without being harmful. He's very in tune with what I do and don't like, so he knows when he's approaching my limits. And we talk-- I've never had this level of communication in a relationship before and the fact that it extends to our sex life blows my mind. for example, I've had this curiosity with BDSM for a long time, and we talked about it in length. what we're okay with, what we're not sure about, what's definitely off limits; we've been dabbling here and there with what we feel comfortable with and if I don't fall in love with this guy i don't know what hope there is for me haha.

Spring Break...

2010-03-24T07:30:00.000-07:00

Spring Break was like a baptism of fire. Sex was in my lap literally 3 times, BUT I was able to say "no." and mean it. The first was on campus during a campus prespring break send off party, so to speak, and i happened to have handcuffs on and Ginger picked me up and attempted to cart me off. That would've worked had my friends not intervened haha. the second time was at a party in the bathroom, Ginger corners me, picks me up and puts me on the counter. the third time i'm thrown against a wall by none other than GINGER! The Ginger is relentless....more on him at VD, but from the promises he's making, come April 5th I may be a verrrry happy camper.

11 days left. i'm holding strong....i think?

I had an Ace up my sleeve

2010-02-26T08:25:00.000-08:00

GUYS! I just realized I never posted the full details of what happened with Ace and I! here we are, I apologize for being a _DEFAULT. cockblock! here's the convo between me and saberr about it:

moi: for fucking sure we gotta work on our relationshit! You vanish for weeks, and you're not visiting me!
------------- January 11, 2010 9:56 pm -------------
saberr: hahaha noooooo :-( i wanted to everyone just decided their schedules w/o me "/
saberr: "ok, we're going the 14th are u coming?" :-)
------------ January 11, 2010 10:00 pm ------------
moi: Hahahhaa
moi: Poooooop!
moi: It won't be the same without you!
moi: Butttt I wanna give you some _DEFAULT.!
saberr: i'm sooo bummed
moi: From sir Ace
saberr: yess yessss im here for zee default!
saberr: ahah sir Ace ey?
moi: Hahaha yes
saberr: **Ready**
moi: Haha well Ace and I met through My Gay, my gay
moi: We hang out and hit it off and we go to blurr Wednesday night, the night before Christmas eve
moi: We're drinkingg and joking around and when a gay guy hits on him, Ace takes it in stride and helps the guy laugh it off when I tell the gay Ace is straight
moi: We dance and nearly kiss in the club but are thwarted by a huge dyke-y mexicunt I call Jo.
saberr: haha k
moi: Well we get back to My Gay's and we're all smoking and Ace kisses me and we're making out on My Gay's bed in front of all the other kids in the rotation
moi: When we're all calling it a night, Ace asks if I wanna spend the night, but I politely decline because I am a lady
moi: And because I hadn't shaved because I hadn't anticipated such superior kissing ability on Ace!
moi: Hahahah but we hang out the next few days and go to alice in wonderland night at rich's that Saturday night
saberr: UGHHHH!!!
saberr: lolll
saberr: CB
saberr: ahahah paused the smk sesh for a makeout seshh ifl-it<3
saberr: damn i hate when im ''unprepared'' hahahah
saberr: ooh,FUN!
moi: I fucking know! I was like tempted to take a quick whore shower and hop in bed with him
moi: We both dress up kinda and we're not there 15 minutes when a black guy sets his sights on me and proceeds to start dancing on me when I'm trying to spit game on Ace because I'm not sure if I've CB'd myself from wednesday
moi: The black guy keeps asking Ace questions everytime My Gay rescues me
moi: And while my friend LuhStina distracts said creeper black guy I say to Ace "wtf! You sicked some black guy on me and I h a t e black guys!"
moi: And Ace goes "I didn't know! You like white guys?" and I reply "of fucking course!" and he's all "well come here" and grabs me by my waist and kisses me
moi: We're making out for a while when his brother "accidentally" bumps into us
saberr: ahahhahahahahahaha
saberr: good
saberr: aww, precious
moi: We shake it off and go back to dancing and drinking
moi: And we go outside cuz with all the drinking we're doing without thizz I need a cig
saberr: mmh
saberr: ahahahaha damn the lack of thizz-balance
saberr: i can drink like no other on that mdma :-) xoxo
moi: And we get into an arguement over what drinks he should get us, and he pushes me against the fence and kisses me hard and goes "I'm getting you a shot and a beer. What do you want. Answer me"
moi: Meee too girl!
moi: Hahaa but you know I cannot resist a forceful demand from a hot guy who I'm moist over haha, so I tell him tequila and a corona
------------ January 11, 2010 10:11 pm ------------
moi: And he goes to the bar, and I'm suddenly the center of a circus bcuz a group of gays heard my british accent
moi: I'm wowing the crowd when Ace grabs my hand and drags me to the bar, I shout my farewells and turn to the bar where my patron and corona and lime are waiting.
moi: I ask where my salt is for my shot and he goes "oh I didn't know you'd want salt" and I reply before thinking "I always like it salty when I swallow"
moi: We laugh and he dips his finger into the salt on the bar
moi: I wink at him, toast, take the shot and suck his finger for the salt
moi: Now guessing by the way he pulled me in for a kiss, he liked what I can do with my mouth haha
moi: We grab our beers and head upstairs but pause in the journey for a quick makeout sesh
saberr: mm, tastey!!
saberr: lmaooooo
moi: We're dancing and kissing and some weird guy pulls me away from Ace and practically holds me prisoner with his bad dancing and kung fu grip on my dress
moi: Said kidnapper also knocks my fucking beer to the ground but that's a whole other story haha
moi: Ace figures he can't take me away from the other guy so he just starts making out with me
moi: The other guy gets the hint when Ace is grabbing my ass and I've got a leg around his waist
moi: Ace whispers in my ear "I guess bro’s gonna sit up front so we can continue this in the car"
moi: And I reply "yeah.....wait no. We cannot let this get too crazy in the car, they'll hear us"
moi: And he goes "fuck I forgot about that"
moi: I laugh and he kisses me and we both decide its time for us to leave the club so we can get back to the house and FUCKING DO THIS THING
saberr: haaa, eewww to creepers
saberr: ugh! fHISlife
saberr: ahahaha nice
saberr: (this sounds like so much fun)
saberr: hahaha most good
saberr: mmh, very truu
saberr: hahaah seal the muh-fuggin deal
moi: We try to find everyone but no such luck! I'm a hairsbreadth from dragging him into the loo and banging his brains out there when we run into My Gay and say "we need to leave"
moi: My Gay starts to say no but changes his mind and we go
moi: We finally get back to the house and we're making out on the porch while My Gay unlocks the house and we all stumble in
saberr: lolll
moi: Of course we smoke a few bowls before we all decide to go to bed
moi: And I'm changing out of my dress in My Gay's room when Ace comes to say night to My Gay and LuhStina. I say "I'll be over in a sec" and I say night to the girls while they say things like "if you need us we'll be right here" and "you need your oil changed!"
moi: I slip into bed with Ace while he's channel surfing and as soon as my phone is plugged in he's kissing me and sliding a hand up my shirt.
moi: He then pauses laughs and goes "would you be kissing me if I were jack skellington?" [[which btw is what the creeper black guy from the club was dressed up as, and to an alice night no less]]
------------ January 11, 2010 10:21 pm ------------
moi: And I laughed and said "yeah right after you make out with luke" [[which is the name of the black man from the gay club who was all over Ace until I told him Ace was straight]]
moi: We strip and fool around until I cannot take his teasing and I climb on top
moi: Let me just preface this with, Ace fucking listens. He doesn't just listen, he l i s t e n s.
moi: While we were smoking [[15 minutes before]] My Gay and I were talking about things we like in bed while LuhStina and Ace were talking about animals or someat so I thot our convo wasn't being overheard
saberr: ahahahahhahaha gross
moi: I mentioned how I love my ears being bitten and my neck and how there's a pressure point in my pelvis that makes my knees go weak etc
moi: AND THAT MOTHER FUCKER DID A L L L L OF THAT
saberr: OOH! LOVE GOOD LISTENERSS
moi: I was a puddle on top and after I came I suggested him getting on top because I couldn't hold myself up while he was overloading me haha
saberr: ahahaha awww
moi: He's got this hip thing he does, btw, where he nudges my hips open so he sneaks in a little deeper and wowwwwww its hitting the gspot and the clit at the same time. Omfgb.
saberr: HOLYMOTHERFCUKINGFUCK!
moi: Well he gets on top and he goes hard and fast and as I'm about to come he bites my shoulder and goes to the hilt and I'm done for.
saberr: he's gotta teach shaun that STAT!
moi: I say "wait wait WAIT! Stop. I can't breathe. I can't feel my toes. S t o p."
saberr: !!!!
moi: He rolls off me and laughs and I can't wipe that postcoital smile off my face and I go "why are you laughing at me?"
moi: He goes "I'm not laughing at you, I'm laughing with you" and I reply "I'm not laughing!"
saberr: lmaoo!!
saberr: I'M NOT LAUGHING
moi: And he's all "sorry I'm just excited" and he pulls me to him and goes "why can't you feel your toes?"
moi: I went "I'm worn out!" and he's stroking my back with his fingertips and I'm all drowsy and I go "are you trying to put me to sleep or somethign?"
moi: He goes "no you're so soft" and I go "sure. Shutup" and we pass out
moi: Keep in mind when we stop having sex the sun is starting to rise haha
saberr: !!
saberr: lol awwww
saberr: holy frikkin frack
saberr: dAMN!! this courting rendezvous lasted ALL NITE
saberr: 3 diff settings
saberr: haha i'm so proud
moi: We sleep for a while and we'd wake up and roll over and look at each other and smile and go back to sleep or he'll kiss me on the
moi: Forehead or I'll kiss him on the cheek and we go back to sleep
moi: We wake up around 9am and we're canoodling and joking around
moi: We talk and quote movies and make out
------------ January 11, 2010 10:31 pm ------------
moi: This goes on till like noon when he slides a hand under the sheets and I'm putty in his capable hands haha
moi: I climb on top again and we have a quickie because we hear his sister and My Gay and LuhStina downstairs
saberr: ooh my!
moi: Then we hang out and talk some more till I decide I should probably go home around 2 pm
moi: Haha
saberr: oh gurrryl
moi: He offers a shower together while I'm prepping to leave and I consider it.......
moi: But I've G O T to leave cuz the parentals are trippin
moi: So we kiss and he goes "I had fun last night" and I go "I had fun too....and all morning" and he laughs and we kiss again and I leave
moi: The endsssss
saberr: that was WONDROUSSSS
saberr: JUSST what i needed!! :-)))
moi: yes girl Ace is e x a c t l y what I needed as well
moi: Only bad part is I haven't heard from him since then, even when I realized a few days ago that I hadn't given him head and I txted him that I owed him one
------------ January 11, 2010 11:02 pm ------------
saberr: WHAT !! you bettr b on the phone with HIM right now... smh thats no good he cant go MIA -_-
------------ January 11, 2010 11:07 pm ------------
moi: Haha no I was on the phone with My Gay. And Ace is MIA and I'm not gonna chase him. He can just suffer when he's down from school again
moi: Although I may cave on our birthday cuz ima need some ♪ birthday sex ♪
saberr: [AWAY] "Whatever the Little Lady wants.." ;)

we're about a week in...

2010-02-26T07:32:00.000-08:00

when i get my period. it's like Aunt Flo wants to make sure i don't cheat this first week in...because that would be when my resolve will waver-- the beginning and the end.

but its been smooth sailing so far thankfully, Cowboy's already been cut && there isn't anything new on the table. so far so good!!!

Lent has arrived...again.

2010-02-19T12:33:00.000-08:00

Well, it's that time of year again, and following all this Cowboy nonsense [[for info on what's happened now hit V.D.]] I've decided to give up sex again-- it just leads to me being in trouble! haha too bad a Ginger has made it his mission to bed me. I've already calmly explained that I'm not interested in his Ginger self, and that I've given up sex for Lent.

Let's see what kind of shenanigans I get into this Lent.

We made progress...

2010-02-10T08:30:00.001-08:00

then we regressed.

Superbowl Sunday [[GEAUX SAINTS! WHO DAT?!]] Cowboy and I hung out and watched the game with friends. Afterwards we end up hanging out with My Gay for a bit and then I go to take him home, he says he's got to pee halfway there so we pull over in a parking garage in The Woodlands. We park on the top and I turn the car off so he can wander off and pee. I'm texting My Gay when Cowboy slips back into the car, grabs my phone out of my hands and starts kissing me hard. He's groping me and calling the shots and I L I K E IT. His hand's down my pants, my hand's down his pants and he's as on top of me as my car will allow. He sits back and says "get in this seat now." In the tone he said it I swear I went weak in the knees a bit, so I scrambled to do what he said. He bent me over the seat and went to town. We finished up, made out, and fooled around a little more. I'm still sore. Haha but I took him home after, and he kept alternating between saying what he'd do to me next time, and how beautiful I was.
I haven't seen him since. He's been texting me and calling me pretty much treating me like a girlfriend, but I'm not the relationshit type and I've told him as much. For more info on why Cowboy is dead in the water, see VD.

and his name is Cowboy.

2010-02-07T08:12:00.000-08:00

I met a boy this weekend at a party. Based on my theory of "Location Based Infatuations" [here's the VD post on that] it was inevitable that we at least hook up. Now I've underestimated the power of the good-good before....but how was I to know that the guy who at said party was hot, aloof and super sensual would become this sweet guy who's determined to be my "knight in shining armor"? WHO EVEN SAYS THAT ANYMORE?! Sorry, for more on this whole thing, of course it'll be on VD...you're here for the good stuff.

At Anthony's party I with friends and we're catching up and drinking and having some laughs. I go outside to meet a friend so I can show her the way up to the apartment when I pass by Cowboy; he snakes out and snags my arm asking "where are you going good looking?". I laugh and shake him off with "I'll be back before you miss me". While I'm waiting in the parking lot for my friend to park my Gays swarm and are asking questions about Cowboy. They both say to go for it because he's so hot and one leaves to go chat me up to him while I'm gone. I finally make my way back to the party where I'm immediately pushed into the kitchen for shots with the birthday boy. Before I know it Cowboy appears and we're making out in the kitchen. Kudos to him for persuasion, because I'm outside being pushed into a dark laundry room in what feels like the next moment. We're making out and things are starting to get a little heavy when I stop him and tell him I'm on my period. He's a little bummed but that doesn't stop him from continuing down the road he's already started. Someone bursts into the laundry room, and we make a break back to the party. We play flip cup, he gets my number, I leave eventually.

Saturday!!! I'm at work and he comes by to see if I wanna hang out after work. I say "sure why not" and once I'm off we go to chill. He's saying the dirtiest things and grabbing me I think I've hit the bad boy/good guy combo promised land...then he starts to outnumber the sexy with the sweet. I brush it off when he pushes me against a building and grinds on me while we're making out. Eventually I'm calling it a day because I've got shit to do. We're supposed to hang out for Superbowl Sunday. Let's see how that goes.

The Ace of Spades

2010-01-06T12:16:00.000-08:00

Ok, so super slacking on my part and I apologize for that guys. But I got my body touched! I'd love to divulge all the dirty details at this point in time, but I'm trying to bury the surge of emotions that comes with mentioning Ace, so once I'm over this brief infatuation expect e v e r y t h i n g!! Sorry to be such a stick in the mud! But I'll give you the set up so once I get around to it we can just dive in!

I met Ace through My Gay and we hit it off right away. We went out to a club or two while he was here and we all had a blast. Ace and I had a different kind of blast one night, and sadly that's where I leave off. Cheers!

Its getting easier.

2009-12-01T20:15:00.001-08:00

This abstinence thing gets easier with practice. I've turned down two hot mexican boys within days of their coming ons-- which were veerrrrryyy persuasive-- and I was intoxicated! I feel like this is an era of no meaningless sex, which will certainly be a change from the past few years of my life.

Let's see where this fresh start takes us...into the Land of Relationshits?

To get us all caught up...

2009-10-23T15:45:00.000-07:00

No I did not end up bedding anyone at My Gay's party. I was however bedded a few days later by Casanova. It was fantastic after a long drought, but he's been cut.

A friend suggested hooking me up with a guy we'll call Ginger. haha because he is after all a ginger kid. haha not my type at all, but we'll see how this goes. He strikes me as a "sensitive" so I somehow think this isn't going to go seamlessly.

I however have my eye on an older guy I've known for a while. He's only a few years older than I am, in case "older" had you thinking mid-thirties or forties. We flirt often and The Spark is there. Not to mention, he seems like the kind of guy who wouldn't be afraid to toss me around in the bedroom. We'll call him...Time Traveler. The reason for his name is because when we first met I had a thing for him, and after we both dropped off the map and reappeared it's like we didn't miss a beat-- in fact, it's so much better now.

Halloween, aka Slut Holiday, is right around the corner. Let's see what kinds of tricks and treats are in store for me.

i know i suck, just ask around.

2009-10-21T15:16:00.000-07:00

i promised you all updates....and i've been soo busy, my life is in shambles it feels like!

once i catch my breath you all will be updated. i apologize again for being such a busy she-wolf [[i prefer that term to "whore" or "shlut"]].

HALLOWEEN [[aka slut take over]] IS JUST AROUND THE CORNER!! expect several posts about that!

"Does this make me a whore?"

2009-10-02T09:55:00.000-07:00

I unwittingly invited the last 3 guys I've hooked up with AND my current twitterpation crush to the same party [SchoolBoy, for more on him go to V.D.]. WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING?! I've shot myself in the foot on this one. There are a few out comes that could happen:
1] none of them show up: I can enjoi the party and chill with my friends; though I may hook up with someone from the show's cast.
2] only SchoolBoy shows: I scale back the shablameredness and hang out with him and my friends.
3] they all show up except SchoolBoy: I get shit faced and whore it up or help one or two of them hook up with other girls at this party.
4] they ALL show up: I get balls to the wall drunk and have others tell me how the night ended up for me.

What was I thinking?! I'll let you know how it ends up...

Is nothing SACRED anymore?

2009-09-27T07:48:00.000-07:00

This is a sad state of affairs, when an attractive sexually alluring young woman cannot get her body touched because her bedmate(s) aren't texting back. Once upon a time, in a land far from here [translation: 3 years ago in California], being FWB was a business agreement with contracts of mutual respect and unspoken rules both parties followed. Like, p r o m p t responses!

I'm frustrated, fLUSTered and rabid as hell. I'm not okay with this. If he doesn't text back soon, Casanova is going to have a very unhappy rabid lady on his hands. Besides, what kind of guy cock blocks himself?!

I cannot believe this nonsense.

2009-09-25T18:49:00.000-07:00

Today was RSO training and of course I meet a charming, slightly arrogant, intelligent cute nerdy boy. I was practically a puddle by the time we stopped debating about our conflicting personalities. It was like he knew!

If he's not careful, Debate Boy, may get raped.

I didn't last long, did I?

2009-09-11T15:02:00.000-07:00

I caved last night. It was a combination of the party's atmosphere acting as aprodisiac, the drought, and my possible crush on SchoolBoy [for info on him see V.D.]. We'll call this boy who caused my fall from the Celibacy Wagon, Casanova. Casanova is a tall, blue eyed smooth talker with gorgeous lips and a smile that would charm Hilary Clinton out of her knickers.

Casanova and I were indirectly introduced to each other months ago, through a mutual friend. Every attempt to meet up or hang out fell through, and until last night I'd never seen him face to face. We'd flirt and sext occationally but nothing too concrete, at least until I extended an invite to the party last night. When he showed up and I got a good look at him it was there, The Spark. That was my first clue that I was doomed.

Here's the scene: everyone's drinking, people are making out, others dancing, beer pong is happening in the kitchen, smokers outside laughing, dark mood lighting and lots of drinks. Casanova starts putting the moves on and before I know it, I'm shoved against the wall in the hall and he's kissing me H A R D. My knees about give out and when he pulls me tighter against him and bites my lip, I know I'm in trouble.

We're interupted by My Gay and some other friends who wanna dance with me or challenge him to beer pong. Luckily this seperation continues for a while, long enough for me to collect myself and my resolve. I go back into the kitchen for another beer thinking he won't notice me and I can skip in and out without seeing him. "Out of sight out of mind" being my motto as I sidestep the Asians and make a beeline for the fridge.

I discover I'm wrong when while I'm bent over grabbing a Corona and someone slides a hand to cup my ass. I jerk straight up and turn around, only to find myself pinned against the fridge. I take a deep breath and try not to be seduced as we chat for a bit while I prep my Corona. He asks me to dress his Corona too because he's lazy and he likes "when a girl does it". I do it and slide it across the counter as I turn to go outside for some air. He grabs the beer and my hand at the same time and follows me out for a cig.

When we're outside I purposely sit on the window sill so he can't sit next to me. He pulls up a chair across from me and we chat while we drink and smoke. Friends filter in and out the backyard, and My Gay comes back to kidnap me for a song. We're dancing and pulling people to dance with us; I grab Casanova before I realize it and we're grinding and making out.

At this point I have to make a conscientious decision: tell him outright I'm not sleeping with him, or cave. You'll be proud of me, I chose tell him the truth; I'm not having casual sex or anything like that because I'm just tired of it. In restrospect that probably wasn't the best idea, because I became more than just a score, I became a challenge.

He turned up the charm and some how everyone in the party was suddenly on his side:
"Are you going to have sex with him?"
"Why haven't you two just gone upstairs already?"
"Fuck him now. Do-it-now!"
"Will you two stop making eyes at each other and just get naked?"

As I drink more and more, the constant barage of "go bang him" starts to sound like a good idea-- if nothing else, it'll get everyone else to shut the hell up. I guess he could sense it because we're both upstairs and into an empty room before I know it. We're making out and stripping clothes off and apparently once we start having sex, someone pops into the room and pops back out. If that was supposed to be a sign to bail out and not continue, I sure didn't pick up on it. I didn't even know until afterwards, when he told me "one of your friends popped in, I guess?".

He was rough and passionate; the whole thing was so organic, I don't think I could've said no even if I wanted to. I don't feel terrible that I had sex with him, and I don't feel bad that I don't regret it. Hm, I don't think I'm too good at this no-sex deal.

Mind you, it's hard.

2009-09-08T18:02:00.000-07:00

Today has been a stalemate; I'm avoiding texting, and not responding either. This, as always, isn't fun, but it's my best bet.

Mae West never had these problems I tell you-- although probably because she never had to decide whether to cave or not.

Oh No.

2009-09-07T19:38:00.000-07:00

I haven't posted in a while; simply because I've been grappling with myself. Whore-Me is more than pleased with the sudden influx of potential bed mates. Abstinent-Me, however, isn't on board with this. I've been battling with myself: I'll reply to a booty call text, and then letting the return text go straight to the trash without being read; I'll flirt with a boy and as soon as he makes the Final Move, I bolt; etc. I'm not proud of it, but at least I'm holding my own.

When there weren't offers pouring in it was so easy to say I'm sticking to my guns and not caving. But now that there are offers on the table-- gooooood offers mind you-- its a tad more difficult. I put wanking on a slow down before this began, so while the best plan would be to pick it up to avoid crumbling to temptation, I don't want to cave to sex at all. I should be in control of my sex drive, not the other way around.

I'm quite certain (I'm being optimistic here) that I can hold my ground and refrain. But as always, I'm only human and I can only try my hardest. I can say that I've got something on my side to keep me from dabbling into The Boy Jar...a crush on a boy. For more on the crush go to VD for more on him, for more on my adventures into Celibacy, come back tomorrow!

"A drunken mind speaks a sober heart."

2009-08-08T17:54:00.001-07:00

Who ever thought of that I want to punch square in the mouth. Honestly, I do want to bed DaVinci again, but that was more effort than strictly necessary, especially since he doesn't follow the typical FWB rules. You know the rules: respond to a request for your "time" in a timely matter, whether you can partake or not; let them know if you're putting them into a time slot; etc etc. If he were up front and honest about his lack of interest, that's one thing. But this smoke and mirrors shit is annoying.

I'm sticking to my guns though, no sex in the champagne room. No papers no promises and no poonani.

Who knew...

2009-08-06T10:43:00.000-07:00

Who knew I'd willingly return to the land of the abstinent. I'm actually refraining from sex because I am not in a relationship. For the rest of the world, this isn't that hard a task, but for me it's increasingly impossible.

I've discovered my tendency to fall for the potential of a guy and the could-be-relationshit. [[ for more on that visit V.D.]] And the simplest way to avoid such confusion is to not bed a guy I could be "emotionally invested" in.

That's my plan of action. Let's watch me crash and burn shall we?

I'm losing my mind.

2009-07-23T19:13:00.000-07:00

I am celibate, and it's driving me absolutely mad.

I've had several of T H E most erotic dreams I've ever had. And so help me if I wake up practically soaking my way through my sheets again, I'll lose it.

I need some. STAT.

This is the low we've sunk to.

2009-07-02T10:25:00.000-07:00

I've started fooling around with a younger guy. He's 16 going on 17; please hold the "Sound of Music" bits. We met through my show and frankly he's a sweet guy, mature for his age, etc etc. But I'm N O T having sex with him, the last think I need is to go to jail. Oh LAWD, that'd be terrible!

Chelle has nicknamed him "YoungBallz" and for the duration of this flirtationship we'll be wary of YB'z charms because he keeps pushing the limit! Oh goodness, I've never really had to practice self-control before, so we'll see how this goes....

SCARE.

2009-06-07T06:36:00.000-07:00

Uh oh, well with thee good comes the bad I'm afraid, Hands McCoy and I's sexlife has reached new peaks, and now I might be late.

OOPS. well only time will tell.

Throwing in the towel.

2009-05-23T12:11:00.000-07:00

Isn't it ironic that when things are peaking sexually, we fall to utter shit emotionally?

Our sex life was on the rise, and going to reach out of this world proportions I'm sure, but emotionally we've matured to flobberworm levels. Sadly, this isn't enough for me and I've got to give up unless I want to hurt myself.

FACK.

back to abstinence.

First glance, look again.

2009-04-30T08:49:00.000-07:00

So my Colorado Sunrise and I are still body touching, but lately there's been a hint of emotions across the board. He's sweeter, he's engaging, he's more aware of me and him. The Spark has spread I think.

What we have is still off the charts, so let's see where this road leads shall we?

Wow. I didn't expect that.

2009-03-30T19:34:00.000-07:00

Soooooo.......I know I said I was gonna stop body touching with Hands McCoy, but damn, this was OFF THE FUCKING CHAIN. I was tied up, and worked over like you wouldn't believe. I'm still sore, and my wrists are kinda raw. I've got bruises and bitemarks galore, and to tell you the truth I hadn't expected to have so much fun. I mean I suggested it because I've never done it before [[frankly because I've never trusted a guy to tie me up and not get crazy]] and to have him pull out all the stops for me was fantastic.

Mark that fantasy off my list, here's hoping there's many more to come =]

Stolen time.

2009-03-13T19:59:00.000-07:00

Dirty texts and stolen kisses are all I'm running on haha, shit. Giving up sex has been hard on me!

Nostalgia

2009-03-09T11:10:00.001-07:00

I've been dwelling on how I've given up sex, and then thought back to the days before sex; when fervent kisses and hands under clothes were enough. And shockingly, I m i s s those days!

When dry humping, and grinding with clothes on were a rush on the forbidden, and hickeys were trophys-- a sign of a job wellll done. I kinda miss the heady innocence of it all. It was almost like Forbidden Light ™ haha and I wish I could go back.

I need a guy willing to go retro on me haha bring back high school with it's dry humping, making out for hours, and hickeys please.

So far so good; oh wait nevermind.

2009-03-05T17:47:00.000-08:00

I was doing pretty well, I had 86'd the LBB, and I was focused on my goal...then an unexpected return cameo occured. daVinci code (for more on him go to VD) has reappeared on my radar, and has initiated yet another round.

First off, I want to turn this down because of Lent, bhttp://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gifut also now he's so gung-ho for this, when he left me hanging in November. WTF?

But he's super sexual, and I've been chomping at the bit to get under him again....shit. And I thought I was doing so well.

Remember, you are ash and to ash you shall return.

2009-03-01T20:00:00.000-08:00

Lent is here which means its the time for Christians to atone and think on their faith and life, so being a Roman Catholic, I've had to give something up in addition to other rules. I've given up liquor and sex; when I told friends, I was greeted with stunned silence or bouts of laughter.

What is it with people and not realizing that though I have a healthy sex drive, I'm not lead about by my libido? There's nothing standing in the way of me giving up sex for Lent but me, and I'm all for it. So here we go, Ash Wednesday was last Wednesday and I've given it up for real this time.

I'm seriously giving it a shot, and I've started by deleting my bootleg LBB [[Little Black Book]] so that temptation shall not arise.

Here we go...

Goodbye to my Colorado Sunrise

2009-02-23T18:38:00.001-08:00

I've decided it's best to cut my Colorado Sunrise out of my life, and this is my goodbye post to him:

You have been at best, a gentleman and a sweetheart; at worst, a charlatan and a prick. I won't deny that The Spark has been/was/is abound, but at this point your cons are heavily outweighing your pros, and I need to cut back on the amount of shit in my life.

This isn't entirely your fault and I don't want you to think it is. I have made my share of screw ups in this FWB relationshit, and I own up to them all-- unlike you. My first mistake was falling for the potential, as I often do, and then even after you showed how low on the scale you could slink, my next mistake was assuming that it didn't bother me. Of course it bothered me, what was I thinking?

That's just it, I wasn't thinking. When it comes to you, I act first, think later. And that's not the best plan of action, especially when I start to like you again. That was my next mistake. I know what you're capable of, what you've done, what you haven't done and still got emotionally invested. Like a cruel joke being played on me by Fate.

You're my Colorado Sunrise, that's a position you won't lose, but I can't have you in my life this way anymore. Its starting to get too muddled, confused and crazy. I want you in my life, certainly, but right now I've got to reassign you, and haven't found a play yet. I'm trying to take my time with the reassignment because the last time your job description changed [[from PBM (Potential Boyfriend Material) to FWB (Friends With Benefits)]] I kicked myself in the shins really.

You won't fight for me, and for that really I'm thankful, here's hoping I'll stick with my guns and do what's best for me. Letting this Sunrise finally set.

Let's give this an honest try.

2009-02-23T18:15:00.000-08:00

I'm done with sex for a while. Real talk.

I know you're shocked and probably don't believe me, but really. Just like I've washed my hands of dating, I'm going to put my sex life on hold. I've got a lot of stuff to deal with and frankly with the kind of guys I've got to choose from out here, there are worst things I can do than be abstinent.

Back home, a good FWB was easy, dependable, and friendly. Here, a decent FWB is impossible to find, and when you think you've got em, into your lap dumps all these problems you shouldn't have to deal with because YOU'RE NOT DATING!

ughhhhhhhhh. So this is me, giving abstinence an honest try, and I just want to say good bye to my Colorado Sunrise. It was a fun ride but fuck, you're ridiculous.

Way to drop the ball.

2009-02-13T12:13:00.000-08:00

Sorry guys, I realize that I suck for not posting in a while, but forgive me, I've been busy with my show that opened last night. The last show is tomorrow night, after which I'm getting my body touched, don't even trip. haha then next week I go to Weatherford for contest. Wish me luck babies! I'll try to update sunday.

kiss me now, catch your breath.

2009-01-30T12:05:00.000-08:00

I got my body touched last Friday, and it was amazing. With him being farther than I'm willing to commute frequently, it's really helping me stay out of trouble. He's a FWB (friend with benefits), and it works for now.

haha I've given up wanking, let's see how well this goes.

It's like a rebirth

2009-01-22T19:56:00.000-08:00

This anticipation of what's to come tomorrow is going to drive me insane. I'm finally going to get my body touched in this window of opportunity, and part of me is wondering why I want to.

I like the guy and all, but I'm not mad for him, and in all honesty I could go without sex. I'm over one night stands and the like, but at the same time I'm hopelessly over wanking-- seriously, I'm taking a vacation from wanking, it's tiring!

I'm thinking of giving this abstinence bit an honest try (for myself this time, not for someone else) after tomorrow.

We'll see how well this and that go...

Mish aborted.

2009-01-18T16:00:00.000-08:00

So I made plans to have a naughty rendezvous with Hands McCoy, and what happens the night before? I GET MY FUCKING PERIOD; a cosmic cockblock. And I really don't know him well enough for crime scene sex, and we just hung out.

Mother Nature, can we wrap this shit up?! I'd like to get something soon before I lose my fucking mind!

And of course with the timing...

2009-01-14T07:44:00.000-08:00

So I have changed my mind on the status of Hands McCoy's chapter, its under review haha. Frankly we've been texting and I'm gonna see where this goes, hopefully well for me and my sex life.

So today the parameters changed...

2009-01-12T20:13:00.000-08:00

Lyndsie and I were discussing the fate of the bet now that she's in a relationship that will not nor can it include sex (her new boyfriend has cystic fibrosis, so his immune system isn't great). We've left it up to me pretty much, and I'm going to continue with this bet and blog until the end of it. I'm no quitter, and there isn't much to look forward to on the guy front.

I'm not having anymore one night stands, meaningless flings or the like-- only friends with benefits, established fuck buddies or boyfriends. I'm worth some form of commitment, though I'm not looking to be tied down (tied up is negotiable though). I haven't masturbated much lately either, surprisingly, and I'm thinking maybe I'll cut back and see how that goes. Or not....haven't really decided yet haha.

The Hands McCoy chapter is officially sealed, and actually I'm proud of myself. One day to mourn the potential that I so often fall for, and one day to be really fucking pissed off, then I was done. Now to find the nest guy The Spark will be there for, I have a feeling he'll knock me off my feet, and into his bed.....oh I can only wish.

I've gone out of my mind.

2009-01-10T21:05:00.000-08:00

seriously

i've stopped making sense.

its one of mymoods.

should be gone come morning.

God willing.

I'm not even asking you to change your Facebook status.

2009-01-08T07:20:00.000-08:00

I was up late talking to Candice after hanging out with friends and we really talked for a long time about guys and relationshits, and we've noticed a trend. In many cases, the female is the sole pursuer and the guy is just sitting in the wings, waiting to be fetched. Dude, I don't have time for that-- I'm a busy bitch.

I don't have time for a relationshit, but I still want that companionship that comes with it you know? I'm not asking you to marry me, I certainly am not asking you to rearrange your life around me (because God knows I won't for you), and don't assume I want you to be anything you don't want to be. In all honesty if I could in a way "rent" a boyfriend that'd take the cake.

I just want a boy I can have some laughs with, have fun, seriously talk to and kiss. That's quite literally all I have time for haha time for friends, so any guy I'm with would be like a glorified friend-with-benefits. We don't have to be exclusive, nor text everyday, just as long as when we're together its just me. I am open minded to a fault, but I will not take feeling used, or cheap.

I don't want weekly dates nor do I need us to constantly be together. I'm independent and busy as hell, so if our time together could be like a mini vacation almost, that'd be excellent. Maybe when one of us has a crazy test, afterwards we could hang out and just unwind, or even study together for midterms. That'd be charming and very thoughtful. However, I'm not saying I just want to stay in, that gets tiresome. Take me out when I've been in a mood, or just surprise me.

I want to be able to talk -- like really T A L K-- to a guy, about serious and trivial things. I don't like having to make all conversation on my own, and then get a look like "what is she going on about?" If you can woo my mind, you're a shoo in. There's very little that's sexier or more intriguing than a guy who can hold his own in a debate with me or can actually teach me something I didn't know. But don't get cocky, please, arrogance is not attractive on anyone. Self-confidence and self-assurance are both very great qualities for a guy to have, but once you reach doucher levels and cross into arrogant twat, then we've got a problem.

I'm not asking for you to buy me anything, I'm not asking for us to get a dog together, I'm not even asking you to move in with me. I just want a guy to make me feel special and like a lady, I just want a guy to fit and at the same time not fit so we'll have separate lives. I don't want a boyfriend, per say, I want someone to fit my idea of a boyfriend, because frankly I don't have time for much more than that. I'd like my "boyfriend" to be busy as well, so I'm not feeling like I have to hold back and entertain you.

If you are intimidated by someone who knows what they want or how they want it, you need not even apply. I'm not even asking for submissions, just keep in mind that not all girls need constant attention, nor showers of praise; if you tried that I'd just assume you were lying half the time anyway. I just am tired of people saying that I don't know what I want or that I'm too picky-- I am what I am, take it or leave it. I'm straight forward and don't have time for bullshit, so if that makes me an undate-able bitch in your mind, then so be it-- I don't have time for boys, sissies or idiots.

I need a man to be a man. I'm tired of always having to be the guy, to be the pursuer. I want to be wooed, pursued and seduced just as much as the next girl, so stop acting like I signed up to be the boy. I'm not saying I want you to open doors or order at restaurants for me, but no means would I ever mean that, I just want a guy to step up to the plate, take the lead, the initiative.

I'm not asking for much, I'm not asking for the universe tucked into a Juicy purse, I won't even ask you to change your Facebook status, something so trivial and small, all I ask is you be a guy I can laugh with, talk to, kiss and escape reality with for a bit.

a hard man is good to find-- I mean....

2009-01-06T04:49:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was a hard day for me. Haha the Marine texted and Craver, a guy I was interested in before the break, texted too after I thot he'd dropped off the map. All I know is if any other former flames show up, I'll be PISSED.

I haven't had any solo time in a few days, and I should get on that. I'm moody and irritable right now haha.

It's never the right one, is it?

2009-01-05T10:33:00.000-08:00

The Marine keeps texting while Hands McCoy is nowhere in sight. Even when there's no sex involved its still all fucked up. Grr.

Got distracted

2009-01-03T17:45:00.000-08:00

I was talking to Ish, Saberr and Sabella today about "Colorado Sunrise", and what it means to us. I believe Hands McCoy fills "Colorado Sunrise" to the extent I want right now. And the fact that sex doesn't seem to be on the menu is a bonus, because as charming as he is, I'm not sure I could hold out long if he tried haha.

This new year brings a new start, and I'm going to start it with a clean slate. I'm sticking to my guns because I of all people know how great sex is when you go without for a while. So here's hoping my Colorado Sunrise sticks around long enough for me to win and have him till the sun rises.

Ringing in the New Year

2009-01-01T10:36:00.000-08:00

I went to a fun kickback party with friends last night to bring in the New Year and a friend came to the kick back, we'll name him "Hands McCoy" on account of his magic hands (don't assume things, give it a sec). Oh it was nice, he and I flirted most of the night and canoodled most of the night. The Spark was there, which was a HUGE plus, and he gave me a massage that was so fantastic it took all I had not to just whip around and tackle him. haha besides that it was very innocent and very nostalgic haha. Well I woke up underneath him this morning, and we hadn't done anything, it was so sweet. We spooned and before I was fully awake he kissed my forehead and snuggled closer. I love the fact that now body touching is off the menu, situations I'd assumed were long gone are popping up. Le sigh, this is like a walk down memory lane.

"I don't understand it either"

2008-12-30T12:01:00.000-08:00

I was talking with some friends, Jeter and Katie, and we're all single and wondering why the hell we are. We're funny, smart, gorgeous, witty and laid back-- so why is it the guys they're interested (I don't have my eye on anyone particular) are with/interested in a girl who they could totally do better than (namely them.)? I don't get why guys are always so intent on mucking things up ENTIRELY.

Ugh, I'm just going to take the Sex and the City approach to love for a while: All the emotional and mental support I need I'll get from my best friends, and guys, if they're good enough to, are used just for sex and/or heavy lifting.

I've always had a hunch...

2008-12-28T17:06:00.000-08:00

...that I crave that chemistry two people can have. If that spark isn't there, there's no salvaging it in my eyes.

So that brings us to my dilemma. The Marine is cute, funny and more than willing to touch my body in more ways than I'm allowed. A true Godsend in these uncertain sexual times. But the spark-- that irresistable force of attraction that NEEDS to be there-- just isn't there. I thought it was, but that was me making it in my head, because I wanted it to be there.

Its like when you form a temporary infatuation for a personal at a party or some function, and when you see them another time you're like "what on earth was I thinking?". And I've had my wake up call.

Now how to shake a guy who wants nothing more than to touch your body?

my first trial by fire, literally.

2008-12-27T08:02:00.000-08:00

The night started innocently enough, I stopped by my old bar to say hi to everyone and catch up. I had a feeling there was gonna be trouble when I walked in. I spotted Rory and assumed it was him who would be the trouble. I didn't notice the guy by the bar because I was saying hi to all my people. When I sat down next to Chris, I saw him. He was cute, a nice smile and warm eyes. Chris said he was being a bore, and to wake him up so I chatted him up a bit before Wolfman called me over. I come back with the jack and coke he got me and plop down next to the guy. He looks at me, and asks "what're you drinking?" I reply, "jack and coke" and I get this smart ass reply back, "wow. You look more like an appletini." Hm. I've never been told that in my life hahaha so we get in an tiff and after getting the agreement of everyone else in the bar, I tell him that I'm not an "appletini" and challenge him to a shot. Stupid me.

He orders flaming dr peppers (ameretto, 151, and beer for those of you who don't know) and once they're dropped we knock em back. I won so he had to stop talking shit. We get to know each other, he's a Marine and really vulgar. Haha that just about covers him. We're talking about sex and Marines, just joking around and drinking. And when he starts leaning closer and touching my shoulders and leg, I figure "ok. My first test." But by the next flaming dr. pepper later on, I'm wondering if I can withhold. Now here's where things start to blur, and I think I was actually discussing the bet with him as a cockblock for myself. No dice. He simply replied, "at this point, I'm just looking to eat a girl out. *significant look* I'd just worship it and dive in. I'm not even looking to fuck." And I went, "shit on a fuck covered stick." I remember saying bye to people, and looking up and the bar is empty. Then I remember making out with the Marine and it taking all the willpower in the cosmos to remove myself from under him and head for my car. I know he grabbed my hand and spun me around and I pinned him to the hood and we made out again. Then I was home, alone, and really rabid. Haha so I'm fairly certain I can hold out this bet, seeing as how I resisted a hot willing guy, who would make me feel dirty and girlish, whilst drunk off my face.

Damn. I'm proud and sad. I resisted, but he would've taken me in a manly fashion.

I'm priud of yself.

2008-12-25T23:59:00.000-08:00

I'm drink. And I resisred my first ostocnle/ I'm so one/

while many are unwrapping presents...

2008-12-25T12:04:00.000-08:00

...I'm wishing someone would unwrap mine.

In all this gift giving and food eating, I find myself obnoxiously rabid. I can't sneak away for a quick solo sesh, because we're full up over here. Besides, these screaming kids, loud adults and Lifetime movies do nothing for my libido.

And in all of this I find myself wondering, what will I do if faced with a chance at a rendezvous? I've got to get the details hammered out so I know what I can get, and where to draw the line. I don't wanna get hung up on a technicality...though I'd like to get hung up...

today I accomplished nothing.

2008-12-24T20:56:00.000-08:00

I slept the entire day away due to two overnights in a row at work. I didn't do much: wrapped presents, ate cookies, watched a Jason Statham marathon with my dad.

Jason Statham is just.....mmmmmmm. There's no other way to put it. He's a wet dream of mine-- him in a white thermal, with that voice and accent combo. Shit, he's what I wanked to in the shower. How he fills out white tees and thermals is something I believe more should strive for, and his shoulders are fantastic. Damn, a girl could go on for days.

Back to business haha, the utter lack of confidence in my ability to uphold my end of this bet is pretty unsettling-- I mean, really? Do you not believe that I can't do it? I do what I set my mind to do, so you all can just suck my clit when I win, alright?

Now I'm gonna go celebrate the church instituted celebration of the birth of Jesus Christ. I'll end with this question, if someone's an atheist, do they celebrate Christmas?

I've got a plan.

2008-12-23T07:54:00.000-08:00

I got home from floorset at 530 AM and was obviously too tired to have a quick wank sesh. Then my mom woke me up at 9 something AM for an early opening at my dentist's office, and I'm positively knackered. Like I'm falling asleep in this waiting room; hell, I'm thinking "fuck these cavities I'm just gonna go home."

And then my plan was born. I'm going to stay so busy that I don't have time to think let alone think about sex. Its a shortlived plan, I understand, but when that peaks, a little solo time is the perfect fix.

Shit, I could always just listen to "don't they know its christmas after all" and various christmas music repeatedly. Nothing cools a hot and bothered temperment like christmas music and tone deaf singers.

Hell, I'm gonna pass the fuck out in this waiting room.

I'll take that bet...

2008-12-22T15:27:00.000-08:00

This is about the worst decision I've ever made. I took a bet from a friend that I couldn't have sex until she did...unfortunately for me, she's a virgin who HAS to wait for a serious relationship to even consider sex. At least I got her to allow masturbation, I don't think I could do the "40 days and 40 nights" thing; Josh Hartnett I am not.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not some sex addict who always has to have a dick in her, but I am pretty certain I'm a sex fiend (yes there is a difference).

I took this bet because I figured itd be easy, afterall I'm already in a drought to begin with. Hell, the last time I got laid was in early November. Well, here's to my competitive streak and having nothing to look forward to but masturbating.